I went to the hospital today for an event on Cervical Cancer and for some reason I ended up passing by the Maternity Ward. Oh wow! not again talagang yung mga iniiwasan talagang nilalagay lagi sa harap ko. Hayy ang hirap!!
I was in the hospital and the memories just came back. I went in because I had spotting and then before I knew it I was having premature contractions. The doctors injected Magnesium Sulfate which is the first line of defense in a pregnant woman with pre-eclampsia, a condition that includes high blood pressure, swelling and protein in the urine. Magnesium sulfate is given to reduce the possibility of having a stroke or bleeding in the brain, and it is also given to delay or reduce episodes of premature contractions.and it was very painful and they used a very big syringe. Which looked like this:
I still think that the worst part of the whole experience as far as physical pain was having the magnesium. sulfate in my veins! It is extremely painful but I could have tolerated the Intravenous Injection but not the butt injection. It was so painful and I was praying to God that I could endure all of this for you. But after 24 hours in the Labor Room things made a turn from bad to worse. My body is having a tough time my blood pressure is going up. They wanted us to make a choice to deliver you early and put you r in the incubator or wait it out and they could lose both of us. was crying I was so scared and I didn't know what to do. It was a choice that we didn't want to make Your daddy's first question was what will be safer for Me? I told him that I was willing to risk my life so that you could live. If my life is what I can give up so that you can live then just take my life.. I The OB-Gyne on duty told me don't take yourself out of the equation. How could I even think of myself first in that kind of situation.
The doctor wanted to take you out right away but I was so scared that you might not make it. We decided to just wait til you were strong enough to be born at 7 months. Didn't matter how we were going to pay for it. Daddy was even prepared to sell his car so that we can afford to stay in the hospital.
We were all excited to hear your strong heartbeat. For me the sound of your strong heart beat will always stay in my heart no doubt about it. The night before you passed Daddy and I were praying and I was praying for God to give us strength to accept the things whether its good or bad and you were moving because Daddy was talking to you. I realized that you were saying goodbye to Daddy.
A few hours later and I was due for another monitoring and as the doctors were trying to find your heart beat I had a dream. I dreamt that the hospital bed was flying and I could see our Cityland and I asked aloud where are we going then someone answered me a voice that my heart knew. She told me ayaw mo ba yan mag kakasama na tayo lagi. I just said di pa ako puede sumama sa yo kasi pag sumama ako paano na si Philbert, Joshwa and Adrianne. Suddenly the voice was upset and told me ayaw mo ba ako makasama? I just said I want to be with you and someday we will be together but now kawawa kasi si Philbert, Joshwa and Adrianne pag nawala ako. It took a lot of begging and then I saw the hospital and said ayan na hospital ibaba mo na ako. Then suddenly the bed was 2 feet off the ground and I felt like I was pushed off the bed and into the ground and I was running so fast and a dog was after me and then I woke up and the doctor told me we could barely find the heartbeat. I asked her how long have you been searching and she said we've been searching for 2 hours.
I was brought to the labor room at 7am I asked the doctor to do another ultrasound. When we saw you and you were gone. I started to cry and Daddy was trying to hold it together but he was crying too. I can never forget how he tried to hide his tears.
Anak di man lang kita nakita at nahawakan di man lang kita nakarga and I will forever regret that. Di bale nang mas masakit para sa akin yun. I understand your daddy's reason why he wanted to do it quickly. He knows that I've been through a lot and he just wanted to spare me from the pain.
I will forever love you Anak. You will be always in our hearts!!
Love,
Mommy
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