Sunday, May 12, 2013

Sorry

Dear Amanda,

Today is Mother's day and I know I was only your mommy in 6 months. In my heart you will be my child forever.I'm sorry that I couldn't do anything to prevent your passing. I tried my best I hope you know that my dear baby girl.


2 Months before you were conceived I had a mini stroke. I wasn't warned that I was not allowed to conceive for at least 6 months while my body was recovering. My body just couldn't handle it and for that I'm sorry Anak. I blame myself for everything that's happened to you. My friend told me that the first step to healing is to forgive myself. How can I ever forgive myself Anak for all the things that I have done that I did, didn't do or things that have happened that led us to losing you.

 I'm sorry Anak that we haven't been able to visit you as regular as we should. We just couldn't go home to Rizal every week so the best that we can do is once a month.

Lastly, Anak sorry that I couldn't look at your photo. I can only look at it once in a while and only for a few seconds. Di ko pa talaga kaya na tignan nang matagal yung photo mo kasi umiiyak lang ako pag nakikita ko. It just reminds me that I never got to see you or hold you. My other regret was not being there during your cremation. I also made a promise to you that someday I will move you to another lot where you can be all by yourself and not share a space with 6 other people. Anak my heart is still breaking till now I miss you so much.

I love you Anak!! Please hug your Tita Beth and please do greet her a Happy Mother's Day!!  

Love,
Mommy

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