No One Can Relate

I miss you so much! May was supposed to be your birth month and I just want to get over this month already. I feel sad and lonely and alone! I stopped looking at babies because they remind me of you.

Yes everyone in my life friends and family have offered a shoulder to cry on and a person to talk to but they just can't relate. It is tough to talk with others who cannot relate even when they offer a shoulder to cry on or lend an ear to listen to the pain that I am expressing. It takes a lot of time to heal, and I believe I will never fully heal from losing a child, but that I can only learn how to grow with the experience, and  learn different ways on how to cope. Some days will be easier to get by then other days.

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever endured in my life. And I think most of the people just can't - unless someone has experienced what I have gone through (and don't wish that upon anyone) they can't relate.

I find myself pulling away from more and more people becauase it just seems like nobody can understand. The worst is when they assume how they should act and think they understand.. When I am out in public and see someone I recgonize I try to avoid them just so its one less person to say things that make me feel isolated. At times I hate how I see everyone different, how it feels like my relationships will never go back to how they were.  Things that used to be fun just aren't the same fun anymore. I stopped worrying about how future relationships are going to work out, and  want to learn to live again with a piece of your heart missing.

  I miss you Amanda !! Everyone is starting to tell me to move on and they think the best thing is not to talk about you. I know I should stop because I'm depressing myself but I just want you back. I feel blessed to have carried you and loved you.